Constant Troll

Bristol Palin, who reportedly gets paid $30,00 per speech on the topic of abstinence, is once again unmarriedly-pregnant.  Listen, as one who can't yet technically get married (fingers-crossed, SCOTUS), I couldn't care less about her marital status.  What I care about is how she's somehow propped herself up as a moral authority, judging the rest of us while encouraging her 5-year-old to hurl gay slurs and getting into drunken brawls.  No surprise her statement is riddled with petulance; the line about not wanting sympathy reminds me of her teen pregnancy PSA ("What if I didn't come from a famous family?").

Anyway, I found a couple haikus buried in her statement.  And no, Bristol -- a haiku isn't something you should avoid eating while pregnant...

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Constant Troll

Huge disappointment
I've been trying my hardest
The constant troll


Grace

Dignity and grace
I don't want any lectures
Nothing I can't do

Trump-et de la Ignorancia

Univision has severed ties with Donald Trump, saying it will not air the Miss America Pageant next month (ps, that's still a thing?).  In response, the Republican presidential candidate has said he will sue Univision for hundreds of millions of dollars, adding "I have great respect for Mexico and love the Mexican people..."

With that I present my first politicento, composed from his campaign announcement.

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Trump-et de la Ignorancia

When do we beat Mexico at the border?

They're laughing at us, at our stupidity.

And now they are beating us economically.

They are not our friend, believe me.

But they're killing us economically.

The U.S. has become a dumping ground for everybody else's problems.

Thank you. It's true,

and these are the best and the finest.

When Mexico sends its people,

they're not sending their best.

They're not sending you.

They're not sending you.

They're sending people that have lots of problems,

and they're bringing those problems with us.

They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime.

They're rapists.

And some, I assume, are good people.

A lot of people up there can't get jobs.

They can't get jobs, 

because there are no jobs,

because China has our jobs

and Mexico has our jobs.

They all have jobs.

They're rapists.

But the real number,

the real number is anywhere from 18 to 19

and maybe even 21 percent,

and nobody talks about it,

because it's a statistic that's full of nonsense.

I would build a great wall, and nobody builds walls better than me,

believe me,

and I'll build them very inexpensively, 

I will build a great, great wall on our southern border.

And I will have Mexico pay for that wall.

I have great respect for Mexico and love the Mexican people

They're rapists.